conviction and change

point of interest was when sam talked about conviction and change. true it is that conviction and change make up a good part of a christians life.

and yeah just really thought about it tonight and it struck me pretty hard. conviction was the easy part, change was the hard part. why? conviction in front of God is so simple. yes i did _________ i totally screwed up. but on earth even if we do make a mistake and are accused of it, we fight aganist the truth.

well whatever, the above is a flawed comparison, but that was the best i could make of it. sighs*

well anyway my struggles with change are just plain miserable. for a short time i do change but just return to my crappy own ways. then i remember my conviction and miserably try and fail. at this point, im pretty much like 'dammit you call this change?' then im pretty emo and angst ridden about it for the next day or two i know somethings missing but i havent really found that missing piece yet [not that im not looking o.o] (but at the back of my brain my holy spirit is like: you bloody git, how could you miss it, its so its something so elementary!)

it seems like im much more conflicted nowadays than back then. honestly i can't really tell if thats a good or bad thing or whether im facing more trials and temptations, yet what intel i can rely on that i'll be needing God more and more and i shouldnt ignore the One whom determines my fate.