edit: funny cos i just thought about me dying and then being in front of God and the book of life after reading enochs blog. this random thought got more epic as i realized i was probably screwed. lets make that a definitely. it was quite disturbing.
i was always asked if i loved God. and i said yes. but i never really realized until now that if you did love God you would have the total holiness, be God-like thing down. you would have to be doing everything right. i wondered if i loved God enough or even at all. also disturbing.
i have lots more feelings to type down but im tai tired la. its 2am? LOL.
thinking about this really raised a new set of tough questions.
one revelation of many God will reveal.
talk about feeling insignifigant lols. coolios.
well g'nite y'all
the past.
i know i've sinned.
i know i've been forgiven.
but the guilt for my sin remains.
but how can i live with myself.
betraying he who loves me.
i have no excuses.
i can't just say im human and walk away.
im a child of God.
better things are expected of me.
i know that.
its time to walk into the Light.
the time is now.
lol just noticed these two posts were about turning things around. interesting lol.
this was just be being dumb and shooting out hopefully relevant feelings of mine.
may there be more added to this
Friday, July 24, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
all is not quiet.
lol stopped blogging for a while
well i guess its time to start up again. lol, since i stopped there have been just as many problems as before, reoccuring problems. one those types of problems you just put a band-aid on it and then just comes off. a temporary fix i guess you can call it.
started reading more often again, in joshua. joshua came right after the great moses, and good things were expected of him. one person once told me about joshua and it sparked a thought and brang me back to read it. in the first chapter the Lord tells joshua to be strong and courageous, many times. i think it was like 3-4 lol. he also tells him to be careful and obey what the Lord tells him to do. the Lord also reassures joshua that he will be rewarded and that the Lord will always be by his side.
awesome starting chapter lol.
i guess God always told me to like be strong, careful and obey him. i'd like to wager that he told me he'd be there to help me along too. i guess i've never really listened. i've had these times where i start something and really want to achieve it and no real harvest for me to reap? i guess i messed up, and tried to do something more but it never really worked out. i got reminded that if i loved God i'd be doing everything right. and i guess i didnt love God enough and thats why i failed. its like im joshua. im christian (leader of Gods people in joshs situatuion) and things are expected of me because im christian (i have to lead these people that moses just lead to conquer the rest of canaan etc)
in one of my early blogs i talked about dbz and doing things WITH God. how ironic it is to be stuck failing at what im preaching? ive hit bottom. totally cold. sad. how badly do i wanna of this rut. so bad.
i knew Jesus was with me the whole time i fell from grace. he didnt want to catch me at that moment for a reason. one day he'll tell me why. but he was there, always giving me a nudge, asking me when id get back with him. he wouldnt just let me forget about whats the true meaning behind my life. even though the roof, windows and walls were ripped off by the storm i still had the foundation. i know i can build it all back with him telling me how.
i guess ill end of by asking for prayer, sorry for the incoherent comeback blog lol.
well gnites
well i guess its time to start up again. lol, since i stopped there have been just as many problems as before, reoccuring problems. one those types of problems you just put a band-aid on it and then just comes off. a temporary fix i guess you can call it.
started reading more often again, in joshua. joshua came right after the great moses, and good things were expected of him. one person once told me about joshua and it sparked a thought and brang me back to read it. in the first chapter the Lord tells joshua to be strong and courageous, many times. i think it was like 3-4 lol. he also tells him to be careful and obey what the Lord tells him to do. the Lord also reassures joshua that he will be rewarded and that the Lord will always be by his side.
awesome starting chapter lol.
i guess God always told me to like be strong, careful and obey him. i'd like to wager that he told me he'd be there to help me along too. i guess i've never really listened. i've had these times where i start something and really want to achieve it and no real harvest for me to reap? i guess i messed up, and tried to do something more but it never really worked out. i got reminded that if i loved God i'd be doing everything right. and i guess i didnt love God enough and thats why i failed. its like im joshua. im christian (leader of Gods people in joshs situatuion) and things are expected of me because im christian (i have to lead these people that moses just lead to conquer the rest of canaan etc)
in one of my early blogs i talked about dbz and doing things WITH God. how ironic it is to be stuck failing at what im preaching? ive hit bottom. totally cold. sad. how badly do i wanna of this rut. so bad.
i knew Jesus was with me the whole time i fell from grace. he didnt want to catch me at that moment for a reason. one day he'll tell me why. but he was there, always giving me a nudge, asking me when id get back with him. he wouldnt just let me forget about whats the true meaning behind my life. even though the roof, windows and walls were ripped off by the storm i still had the foundation. i know i can build it all back with him telling me how.
i guess ill end of by asking for prayer, sorry for the incoherent comeback blog lol.
well gnites
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